By DIDI MALVEAUX
Many teenagers have been in relationships that tend to shape the person they become after the relationship either in a positive or a negative way. After the breakup they usually ask themselves questions such as: “ What did I do wrong,” “What is wrong with me?”, “Where did it all go wrong”. Frankly they are focusing on the wrong thing. The first thing people want to do is question themselves trying to find something wrong with them instead of what was wrong within the relationship. The goal of this article was not to bash either the boy or the girl in the relationship, but to shed light to the matter at hand which is that there is nothing wrong with any individual within the relationship.
Several students from Redlands East Valley were asked of their opinions and insight on this matter. They openly discussed their point of views on relationships.
Question: “Do people really want to stay friends after the relationship or do they just say that to seem less of the bad person”
Boy A: Honestly you have to be a really strong person in order to stay friends with your ex.It is nothing towards them in anyway, however trying to move with them still being close is very hard because you still having feelings for them no matter how bad the breakup.
Girl A: I would like to stay friends with my ex but it would just be weird. Like I would say “‘hi” or “how are you” every once in awhile,but it would just prolong some feelings that I would be better off not having.
Boy B: After a relationship, well in my case, I always stay friends with my ex's. We all still talk, we enjoy being apart of each other's lives because we had so much in common, so why wouldn't we be friends.
Q: “What are some thoughts you may have about yourself or any other aspect after being dumped”
Boy B: Well after someone has broken up with you, you can’t help but to examine yourself and find things wrong with you and maybe the reason why they left.
Girl C: I ask myself what I did wrong honestly. After a breakup thinking what could I have done to make the relationship last longer and better.
Girl A: I ask myself am I good enough. Yeah I know it sounds cliche, but it is really what girls automatically think like what does the next girl have that I don't or what I should improve on myself.
Q:“What would you say is the difference between the feeling of breaking up with someone and being the one who was broken up with?”
Boy B: When I break up with someone it's always a sense of relief, because it has been weighing on your mind for a while know and just to know it's over you can just breathe. However when you get dumped of course I feel sad. I put in effort to a relationship and I have feelings for the person, they are not just going to disappear out of nowhere.
Girl B: I find relief after we break up. You know the relationship has been turning sour for a while now, and when you try to break it down easy for the other person and worry about their feelings as well you get exhausted. So when it is finally over it's like a weight has been lifted from your chest. However for me it's the total opposite when someone breaks up with me. I get really sad and confused on why the broke up with me and start looking for things wrong with me.
Boy A: For me there is barely a difference. No matter what you are leaving someone who you share things in common with and have feelings for,so both would be difficult to deal with. however at the same time all of my relationships were ended on good terms and mutually.
Q:“Is it the other person’s fault most times you break up with someone,or is it something they did to change how you felt within the relationship?”
Boy A: In a lot of cases the other person did nothing, feelings just change and people grow apart.
Boy B: It is very rarely the other person’s fault. It is either something in the relationship has changed and you as a couple are not on the same page anymore or an outside factor like school, extracurricular activities, and family. A relationship needs a lot of attention and when you feel like you are not able to balance life and that relationship, you end things because the person does deserve better than minimal attention.
Girl B: Most times it is just your position in life you are in and the relationship is not needed at this time.
Girl C: When the relationship is over the fault is spread evenly amongst the couple. It's not necessarily that someone did anything wrong, it is more that you have grown apart from each other.
Q:“What is one thing you would like the opposite sex to know about break ups?”
Boy A: As guys we tend to hide our true feelings, in order to keep up this manly look. But we do get sad at the end of the relationship no matter which end of the spectrum we are on, because we do put time and energy into the relationship and want the relationship to succeed. However things do change and we just have to roll with it.
Girl A: Even though at the end of the relationship girls tend to be more rude or seem to be what people call “petty”, we do want what is best for you and want you to be happy because we do care about you.
Guy B: Please do not change yourself or think anything is wrong with you, that is not the case in any relationship and should never be the reason to why the relationship ended. Just know yourself and your worth and do not take anything less than what you deserve.